Monday, December 6, 2010

First Snow!

So, I lied.

The posts have not been coming as frequently as I promised or prophecized they would have. What do you want from me, I'm spending most of my time these days with various college studies and debauchery, (I will not say which of more I'm doing, lest it tarnish my reputation), and frankly, I've barely had time to reflect and write about my thoughts for a while. Here and there I'll compose a song or write a poem, but as far as cut and dried psychological analysis is concerned, I'm strongly lacking, at least presently I am.

There is hope, though, because today I have been incredibly productive! I attended all of my classes and tried significantly to retain all the information presented in each, I mailed in three scholarships, found ten dollars, with which I bought the chinese food I am now eating, saw Krysten (yes, I am once again someone's boyfriend. Don't you love when the complete opposite of your original intentions occurs? Needless to say I couldn't be happier with my decision), and most importantly, purchased a new notebook! I had been complaining that I had only been able to scribble my thoughts on loose leaf paper, which proves to be very annoying from a collective standpoint.

I've also noticed a fundamental issue with my whole blog, as I have entitled my writings as "Insignificant Adolescent Ramblings". Am I, a 19 year old college student, still considered to be an adolescent? At what point does adolescence transition into adulthood? I took a detour to and discovered that two definitions exist,

1) growing to manhood or womanhood; youthful
2) immature, young

Physically, I am still an adolescent. Sources say a man's ultimate end in growth ends at age 21. Psychologically, however, I am under the impression that I will always remain an adolescent. To me, the term can be coined as one who is always learning, and a personal tenet of mine is that one should never halt the flow of learning. So perhaps my blog's name is not an issue at all. Perhaps this simply means that as time goes on, the title becomes more and more ironic, considering that anyone who has reached adulthood is not expected to continue adolescent psychological growth. I consider myself an antithesis to this, as I believe that the human mind is capable of growth at any time in one's life.

Anyway, in Calculus today, we covered a topic that I had never gone over in high school, and after twenty minutes of complete non-understanding, I began to write in my new notebook. What resulted is something I am unsure of; whether what I wrote is a poem or a rant. "Poetry" is a very broad term for the artful use of language, but I question when certain types of poetry become rambling. I'll let you be the judge:

So I'm sitting in Calculus trying to solve a problem,
And I have no clue how to try to solve the problem.
There are more letters than numbers on the page,
More Greek letters than English ones, to boot.

Never mind, all it took was some coaxing,
But do I truly understand,
Or do I simply parrot what the instructor instructs,
as I instruct my tenuous methods to my classmates?

I won't truly know until the final exam.
Clearly, mathematics is not my strong point,
At least not such abstract mathematics as Calculus.
Every day, I long exponentially for the days of algebra.

And after I have stared blankly at the page for twenty minutes,
Pondering my academic fate,
I realize that class is over, and just how productive I've been.
Simultaneously, I realize that this may be my last math class,
Only penultimate if statistics is in my future.

[End...poem? Is it really a poem?]

I'm not sure what it is, but I wrote it. Whoever still follows this, thank you very much for reading, it's always appreciated. In case you're all wondering why I entitled this post "first snow", it snowed here for the first time this year. Oh, how I love the snow...

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Bandwiches, Pizza, and Nostalgia

Greetings, everyone. Tonight, me sitting here typing marks the end of a day comprised of essentially 14 hours of marching band activity in one day, with only the sustenance of bandwiches (lovingly named for their extreme succulence), and pizza. That's roughly two thirds of the day entirely devoted to marching band. It's a very volatile relationship, seeing as I love for these types of things, I find great appreciation of marching, and even more significantly so in playing my trumpet. I can't help myself, whenever the trumpet is in my hand I just have this insatiable urge to play it.

In addition to this, the band attended a USSBA finals here in our very own Rutgers stadium. I was staunchly reminded of how much I miss the high school competitive band circuit, and just how much fun I had at competitions. The excitement of being judged for how hard you've been working, chatting it up with other bands and discussing all the latest delicious band geek gossip, because there is so much of it, and waiting in eager anticipation of your scores. Nerd alert: I love it. I miss it so much, which is why I am so eager to return home to watch the band there; simultaneously, becoming more enraged with the fact that I cannot go home for several weeks.

I'm not writing much tonight because I'm dead tired, that's what I get for staying out late last night and then having two thirds of my day filled with band.

Guess what? There's more band activity tomorrow afternoon, as well. Should be fun. It also may kill me.


Tuesday, October 12, 2010

It's Late, Yet Still I Write

Ah, the remarkable capacity of college life. It keeps you up until the wee hours of the morning doing things that range from perfectly productive activities such as Chemistry homework, that I should probably be doing, on a side note, to checking the updates on the new comic from Cyanide & Happiness, to the crazy antics of the various texters of Texts From Last Night. Granted, I'm used to it at this point, as embarking onto my sleep journey at any point before 2 a.m. just seems downright immoral for a college student such as myself to do. I always used to question exactly why my older friends coming home from college would do nothing but sleep, but a month and a half into the whole experience has elucidated me to the reasoning behind the enormous amounts of lethargy. I very enormously enjoy the convention of sleep, laying in my warm and soft bed in a gentle cotton cocoon that is my comforter, but there just seem to be so many other activities that dissuade me from embracing sleep's comforting arms.

In other words, college life is fucking awesome.

Again, it's been a fairly significant amount of time since the last time I posted, and I really have no definitive reasoning for this lapse in writing other than that I've been very busy, and that the idea of typing out my thoughts has been somewhat quashed following the rigidity of the writing style that I am forced to write in for Expository writing. Seriously, writing with that strict of a set of guidelines is not my cup of tea, I prefer to take liberties in my writing, and to attempt creativity wherever possible. This is why I plan to take a creative writing course come the spring semester. Hopefully now that my body has for the most part adjusted to the onslaught of sleep deprivation and dining hall food, (which, by the way is really good despite my attempt at humor) it will be far less of an arduous task for me to write here.

Oh, and I'm not certain I mentioned this in previous entries, but I've finally reverted back to the sense of self that I wanted to retain. For a long period of time, as many of my close readers may know, if any still exist, I have been trying to return to the state of mind that I had originally been in, because it had drastically been altered, due to specific reasons that I really do not care to name. This is solely for anyone who is still worried about me, I am back. It was scary for very long period of time, but I've finally discovered exactly what I want to be, and that is the way I am currently. I'm silly, I find humor in nearly every situation, I'm vastly immature, and I don't want to do a god damn thing about it, because I enjoy being this way. Oh, and I'm growing my hair out again.

Once again, thank you all very much for reading. If there are still any followers out there, it means a great deal that you've stuck it out waiting for an update.

I leave you all with a quote to end it, as is my custom, goodnight all!

"Nobody is perfect, so to judge others is to invite judgment upon ourselves

Sunday, August 1, 2010

I know, I promised.

Hello to all of my readers who may or may not exist!

It's been almost two months since my last post, hasn't it. I know, I know, you don't need to tell me, I promised that I would be writing more and more as time progressed, but, well, I haven't. Yes, there were an extraordinary amount of commas in that sentence. The only reasoning behind that is because of the fact that I often type in the same manner I speak, pauses, punctuation, and all. My teachers often penalize me for this, as the way I speak isn't necessarily incorrect in the grammatical sense, it's just a little difficult to follow my general train of thought, especially when you're not me. I can't wait for the first teacher to read a sample of my writing in college, because I'll get all kinds of those nice "AWK" marks that my 8th grade English teacher liked to write, (Mrs. Liguori, bless her, she's the teacher that opened up the world of writing for me, made it much less of a chore than I had made it out to be) and try to make sense of it. As I stated previously, only I can understand the true meaning of my own writing. Though that hardly makes me special, as all authors have the highest understanding of their own writing. That's why we study and slave away at books in school, isn't it? To get the faintest morsel of an idea as to what the author was thinking when he or she wrote his or her novel? That's how I look at it, anyway. What fun is it to read a book purely to analyze the symbolism, possible allegories, motifs, themes, chiasmuses, syncheses, onomatopoeias, alliterations, or whatever else happens to be hidden in the novel? Obviously, if they can be detected by high school students with very basic literature experience, the author did not intend for the sole purpose his or her work to be to convey that literary element. Only through spending as much time reading a work as the author did writing it is the proper way to get into the author's head. Personally, spending years, or even decades focusing on a single work would drive me insane. That's why the people who do it get paid the big bucks. Therein lies the secret to being wealthy, do a whole lot of something that no one else wants to do any of. Do you have any idea of how much a garbage man gets paid? Ask one. I guarantee you'll be extremely surprised.

There's my rant for the evening, and I leave with something a bit more poetic. I've been churning out the lyrics lately, and came up with some that are slightly less embarrassing than as is the usual, so hopefully they're enjoyed.

This is entitled "Smoke Rising, I'm Falling"

The air is thick with laughter, my lungs are thick with smoke
The bedroom's growing smaller, with every word your voice spoke
Decisions not made lightly, seem to crumble down and die
As you sleep the night away, I have to stop and ask why, I'm falling

Just because I've fell, doesn't mean that I'll keep falling
I've gotten up before, and you left me calling and calling
Seen it played, this rotten game, don't worry nothing new
And though I've fell, I'm gone, I'm falling, I'll still be the one to catch you

Surprise surprise, the day has died, the sun along the way
My bedroom's empty but for smoke, and yours is full today, oh
How wind picks up and spits it out, I'll never understand
The smoke coming from your room, the fire started with my own hand, I'm falling


Caught up with me (the fire's burning)
I'm falling slowly (the smoke's unfurling)
I'll catch you, you'll see (the dawn's returning)
This is how it should be (for you I'm learning)

*chorus and out*

That's about the long and short of it. Goodnight all, I'm headed for Rutgers orientation tomorrow. As always, thanks for reading!

Monday, June 7, 2010

Lyrics, possibly for the first time!

So, tonight I'm going to present you all with one of my few finished songs. Exciting, isn't it? Funny, I can almost hear your collective eyes rolling...

It's entitled, "Broken Harmony"

Butterflies, and bright blue skies,
Could not compare to the light reflecting from your eyes,
It isn't fair, why aren't I there,
To see that light shining through the window and glossing off your hair,
I've got no choice, but to rejoice,
In the hypnotizing symphony that echoes through your voice,
Just look at me, and count to three,
Touch my lips to yours and for once I'm sure,
There's nowhere else in the world we'll wish to be...


A distance separates us, but you're still here in my arms,
Your voice is miles away but oh, I hear you singing,
And I'm singing too,
Even though it's only half the song without you here to sing along,
A distance separates us, but let our voices ring,
I can't hear you, you can't hear me,
But together we still sing.

The train back here, was cause for fear,
For each miles put between us brought on another tear,
The sun shone bright, while such a sight,
Could not erase the thought that laying in my bed tonight,
When I awoke, I'd call your name,
And come to realize that it could never be the same,
But I'd run outside, start singing my song,
And listen closely hoping that I can hear you sing along...

*chorus again*

(Author's note: the following portion of the song should be sung in male and female harmony. Just because it's awesome.)

Though you're nowhere near me,
I can still hear your melody.
Though you're not beside me,
We sing our song together perfectly.
Even if I can't see you, let the music flow from you to me,
Breaking through our distance with a broken harmony.

*chorus, just one last time, I promise*

(Author's note: sung in male and female harmony again, though a capella during this portion, as opposed to previous portion.)

I'll be with you, then we'll be free,
Breaking through the distance with a broken harmony.

Thank you for your time! I hope you enjoy the lyrics! =)

Sunday, May 23, 2010

It's me again!

Again, before writing I feel the need to apologize for my hiatus in writing. (I also apologize for my particularly pompous introductions to my writing. This has to be rather annoying for whatever infinitesimal amounts of readers I have.) Anyway, all wordiness aside, I believe the time has come for my writing to pick up the pace that it had attained in the past. For reasons hitherto unknown to me, I have been finding it very difficult to write anything for a while.

I'm not sure if I can promise a daily update, as my laziness and whatever of a social life I have will undoubtedly hinder this. But I can promise more than I have been writing.

So, I'm sure my oh so loving audience, (I hope by now anyone has realized that this is full-on sarcasm; I'm not conceited in the least. Although is boasting about not being conceited a conceited thing to say? Ah, the paradoxes of life) has been on the edge of their seat about what sort of exciting new episodes are happening in my life. Well, for anyone that is Facebook-savvy or simply listens around the grapevine, I'm sans female these days. (This does not mean I've gone gay, as I'm sure Felipe will comment on if he ever reads this.) And, that's all I'll say about that. I'm not going to explain anything here about the nature of any of my relationships. I'm sorry to sound so infuriated about this, but it seems as though to the high school world, a person is entirely defined by the relationships they are in, who they associate themselves with, whether it is with friends or girlfriends or anything in between. Shouldn't someone be based on their own personal choices, not the ones others make around them? Reputation is something that is based on one person's choices, decisions, actions, whatever you want to call it. While it is true that you do decide the relationships you become entangled in, you also decide how you operate within those relationships. This should be the deciding factor, but often it is not the case. That's the end of my rant, though.

Everything is somewhat returning back to what it had been, and I am happy to have my friends back. Though I am having a difficult time adjusting, they are expediting the process. I'm finding it particularly difficult to find my way these days, if that makes any sense, mainly because of all the changes that are taking place. College is just around the corner, and as excited as I am about it, I am equivalently as apprehensive. I know that it will be an exciting experience, but all the same there's no way I will be properly prepared for it until the day itself arrives. I'm not entirely sure where it's going to take me...

Anyway, I do have much more on my mind, but unfortunately there is also a rather difficult Calculus exam tomorrow weighing my thoughts. I promise there will be much more writing in the future (exciting, right?)
Goodnight everyone.

"And on that day she said to me, go back home to your secrecy."