Monday, March 9, 2009

Nemini Crede!

For all you Latin buffs out there, the title reads "Trust no one!"
My oh my, the paranoia that has ensued because of these two simple little words.
I'm looking around corners, walking faster than usual to get to class, and stuffing my fingers in my ears when I get the slightest hint of anyone planning to talk to me.
The only solace I can take is in my friends, who will (hopefully) protect me in these perilous times.
What a great game, Gut is an absolute genius for doing this. He must be having so much fun watching us all suffer...

Anyway, on to the weekly rant.
It would be daily, but lately I'm much too lazy to ramble on. Which is quite interesting, as I have the tendency to ramble on when I'm exhausted. Often I'll emit incessant amounts of sentences of varied syntax and eloquence, sort of like the way I am now. However, free time to write has been a very rare occurrence, so these postings are rare as well.
So enjoy it. Or don't. I'm too tired to argue with any of you.

Do everything you can for the greater good, I believe that's a Platonic concept, or a Marxist one. Don't quote me on this, my knowledge of philosophies and their origins is very incomplete. For the greater good. My mind construes this as less of a Marxist theory and more of a "do the right thing" theory. The "greater good" is variable from person to person, and that certainly holds true for me. You see, I've been having a bit of a problem with discerning what the "greater good" is these days. What do I do that will prove ultimately beneficial to myself? One problem in particular is plaguing me as far as the answer to that question goes.

I'm trying to work out my feelings toward a particular person; as I am unsure at the moment how exactly I feel about this person. The moment I come close to figuring out the answer, something else pops into my head. Thus is my curse; I've been plagued with the curse of over-analysis for as long as I can remember. Anyway, to avoid going off on a tangent, I can't pinpoint my feelings one way or the other.
This problem is also two-fold.
Somebody else, I believe, is after the person in question. The fact that I feel any sort of feeling at all upon knowing this causes me to question my feelings toward this person even more. Why feel any sort of jealousy toward a person if you don't have any sort of feelings about them? There's also another complication.
My low sense of self-esteem prompts me to allow the other person to win over the person I am confused about, simply because that person deserves the one I am confused about more than I do.
Who am I to interfere with something that should not be controlled by me? Yet, I have the nagging urge to do something about it. I'm basically paralyzed while at any attempt to do anything about this problem.

And there is still another who graces my thoughts daily...
Vae tibi (woe to you) is the only way to save myself in the aforementioned game.

Vae mihi seems like the more appropriate phrase in this situation.
If you can't translate it, look it up.

Thanks for your time!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Call it in the air, heads or tails

my user infoNow that my brain has finally been filtered of the (annoyingly elementary) math I had to use during the HSPA today...

Sit back and imagine this.

You're given a difficult choice.
It's one of those life-altering decisions you must make, the outcome of which could either make or break your entire life; and after having made the decision you find yourself wondering what the outcome of the other choice would have been. (Isn't the subjunctive mood wonderful?)

The proverbial red pill or blue pill, for any of you Matrix fans out there.

Now here comes the interesting part.
How is it that we label certain choices as "life-altering" and others as trivial? If you've ever seen The Butterfly Effect, (starring Ashton Kutcher, great movie, I highly recommend you see it), the decisions we make at pivotal points in our lives subsequently affect the rest of our natural lives.
Who's to say when a certain point is pivotal?
A choice is a choice. Most of the time they are two sided, one option or the other. (Flip a coin, my good friend John always says...)
Any choice made has an outcome that affects you, whether on a small scale or a large one. Any moment in your life, where you have to make a choice, even as simple as "should I wear my Latin Club T-shirt or my funky green one" (Yes, this is a choice I made this morning. If you saw me today, I chose the funky green one), can alter the turn of events that occurs.

Say I decided to go with wearing my Latin Club T-shirt today. Perhaps, upon walking home from school, and stopping at Greenberry's, I took off my jacket. A man happened to see the writing on my shirt, and asked me what it meant. I would respond, and the man would laugh at the humor of the shirt. (Sumus fatalis machina. We are a deadly machine.) Suppose this man was a reporter for the Daily Record. He would then ask if I wanted to be interviewed about the Latin Club and its proceedings. Thus, the Latin Club would be on tomorrow's headlines.

Yes, it's a long shot.
But anyone who believes in "anything is possible" theory will agree with me that it can happen.
As simple a choice as deciding what shirt to wear could change how your whole day, or more, turns out.

In a roundabout way, this brings me to the point.
There are no pivotal moments in one's life.
There are choices, and while at first some may seem to have more gravity, any choice can bring about some kind of life-altering event.

These are my thoughts at 11 o' clock at night. I could never have them during the school day; school is the worst kind of sedative.

Thank you for your time!

Monday, March 2, 2009

In Medias Res

It was a really nice day today.
Snowy, no school, woke up in Felipe's new house.
Overall, I'm quite content with today!
Unusual, but I'm not going to complain, as I've always been one to take what I can get.

So, the annual assault of standardized testing is close on the horizon.
The only solace I can find in taking these tests is that I am easily able to aggravate the grader.
If I'm being forced to spend hours taking this test, you'd better take a good look at my answers, dammit!
That's why this time around, I'm taking a leaf out of my good friend Felipe's book and taking the picture prompt they always have us write, (aren't the tests supposed to vary?), and twisting it.
Though not quite in the way he did; I am going to mess with the grader's heads.
I dare not mention it here, as I'm sure there have been these types of, conspiracies, if you will, to piss graders off.
Let's just say they're in for it this year.
Of course I won't bomb the test! My educational career is (or at least they say it is) at stake here! I'll cleverly work my black magic into my oh-so-creative and grammatically correct writing.
I just won't tell you how I'm going to do it.

With that rant behind me, I move to my next topic of interest. Or disinterest. Call it what you will.

I've been a confused little boy lately.
I'm usually the type to easily work my feelings out on a situation.
Unfortunately, this time that's not quite the case...
My heart is trying to travel down two different paths. Cheesy, yes, but also true.
I'm unsure about my feelings toward two different people. Normally, this wouldn't be a problem, as I'm adept at working out my feelings.
But this situation just seems not to want to be worked out, and the more I lean toward one person, the more the feelings for the other seem to trouble me.
Tug of war is a terrible game to play, in both the physical and emotional sense.

Seeing as it's quite late, I'm hitting the sack now.
19 more days until spring begins!

"Call me insane, call me irrational, call me impossible. Just don't call me tomorrow."