Zombie Jesus - Christianity is Terrifying

I'm always a little bit unsure as to how to start talking on here.  Do I just type whatever comes to mind, and hope that through the endless stream of nonsense comes a glimmer of rationality?  Fuck no.  I just like to type whatever pops into my head!  Well, not whatever pops into my head.  I'm sure that almost none of you are thrilled to be reading about my sexual fantasies.  Or perhaps you are; I'm not going to make sweeping generalizations.  I hate sweeping generalizations.

Speaking of things that I hate, Easter is coming up in around two days.  That's right; the day that the supposed son of God resurrected, and we hide chocolate eggs and eat lamb to consecrate this miracle.  Now I love chocolate and lamb as much as the next guy, and I'm certainly not going to knock commercialism (let's face it- Christmas would be the most boring fucking holiday in the world without its rampant consumerism and schmaltzy decorations) but I just find it hilarious how such a religious holiday could be transmogrified into something so hilarious.

Leave it to us to sugar-coat (literally) one of the most profound tenets of the Christian religion.

Let me be clear; I have nothing against the concept of Christianity, if it gives you hope, a reason to live, happiness, that's absolutely fine.  It must be pretty important if schools close do to Christian holidays.  (I fully support this endeavor.)  Just please don't try and force me to believe something that I don't think is true.  I take somewhat of a modern view of religion, I consider it to be more of a philosophy than anything else.  Granted, it's a philosophy that people will literally die and kill for to protect it, but it is a philosophy nonetheless.  A philosophy is nothing more than a belief.  You can base your life on your own beliefs all you want, just don't try to change mine.

Back to what I was saying, I always wonder how religious holidays get transformed the way that they do.  The Easter bunny is an excellent example; a giant fucking rabbit going to houses leaving chocolate eggs among other candies in baskets by your fireplace.  What is it about a magical being breaking into your house and leaving gifts that is so applicable to children?  I'd be fucking terrified knowing that at some point a giant rabbit is going to be inside my house.  Furthermore, how does this rabbit know which houses celebrate Easter to leave your baskets?

Silly conspiracy theorists, the government isn't watching you, the Easter bunny is!